by Dr. Mark Smutny, President of Civic Reinventions, Inc.
In high conflict, stressful environments, it’s crucial to have effective strategies for de-escalation. Whether you’re involved in community mediation, leading a team through a crisis, or managing interpersonal conflicts, the following practices and active listening skills can help calm individuals and foster constructive dialogue.
Calming Techniques
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Deep Breathing
Description: Deep breathing helps slow down the heart rate and promotes relaxation.
How to Use: Find a comfortable position. Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four, letting your belly expand. Hold your breath for a count of four. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six. Repeat this process a few times until you feel calm.
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Grounding Exercise
Description: Grounding exercises help bring focus to the present moment, reducing feelings of anxiety and stress.
How to Use: Take a moment to focus on your surroundings. Notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise helps ground you in the present moment.
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Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Description: Progressive muscle relaxation involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups to release physical tension.
How to Use: Starting from your toes, tense the muscles for a count of five and then slowly release. Move up to your calves, thighs, abdomen, chest, arms, and finally your face, tensing and releasing each muscle group.
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Visualization
Description: Visualization helps create a mental escape to a peaceful place, reducing stress and anxiety.
How to Use: Close your eyes and imagine a serene place, such as a beach, forest, or mountain. Picture the details vividly—the sounds, smells, and sights. Spend a few minutes in this peaceful place, letting your mind relax.
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Box Breathing
Description: Box breathing is a simple yet powerful technique to calm the mind and body.
How to Use: Inhale through your nose for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of four. Exhale through your mouth for a count of four. Hold your breath again for a count of four. Repeat this cycle a few times.
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Mindfulness Meditation
Description: Mindfulness meditation focuses on being present in the moment, reducing anxiety and promoting relaxation.
How to Use: Find a quiet spot and sit comfortably. Focus on your breath, noticing the inhale and exhale. If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your breath. Spend a few minutes in this mindful state.
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Stretching
Description: Stretching helps release physical tension and promotes relaxation.
How to Use: Stand up and stretch your arms above your head. Reach down to touch your toes, feeling the stretch in your back and legs. Rotate your shoulders and neck gently. Take a few minutes to stretch and release any tension.
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Positive Self Talk
Description: Positive self-talk involves replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
How to Use: Identify negative thoughts and consciously replace them with positive statements. For example, change “I can’t handle this” to “I am capable and strong.”
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Mantras
Description: Repeating a calming phrase or word (mantra) can help focus the mind and reduce distracting thoughts.
How to Use: Choose a calming word or phrase, such as “peace” or “I am calm.” Repeat it quietly to yourself during stressful moments to help center your mind.
Active Listening Skills
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Mirroring
Definition: Mirroring is a technique where the listener reflects back the speaker’s words, tone, and body language to show understanding and empathy.
Description: Mirroring involves subtly imitating the speaker’s verbal and nonverbal cues, such as repeating key phrases, matching the speaker’s tone of voice, and aligning body language.
Examples:
Meeting: If a team member says, “I’m frustrated with the lack of progress,” you can mirror by saying, “I hear you’re frustrated with our progress.”
Training: When a trainee expresses concern, “I’m worried about my dog’s performance,” mirror with, “You’re worried about how your dog is doing.”
Mission: If a searcher states, “This terrain is challenging,” reflect back with, “You’re finding this terrain challenging.”
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Paraphrase
Definition: Restating what the speaker has said in your own words.
Description: Paraphrasing involves rephrasing the speaker’s message to reflect your understanding.
Examples:
Meeting: “We need better communication channels,” can be paraphrased as, “You’re saying we should improve how we communicate.”
Training: “I don’t understand this technique,” can be paraphrased as, “You’re having difficulty grasping this method.”
Mission: “We should search the riverbank first,” can be paraphrased as, “You’re suggesting we start our search along the riverbank.”
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Perception Check
Definition: Asking the speaker to confirm or clarify your understanding of their message.
Description: Perception checking involves asking questions to verify your interpretation of the speaker’s message.
Examples:
Meeting: “I’m concerned about our strategy,” can be perception checked with, “Are you worried about our current approach?”
Training: “This seems difficult,” can be perception checked with, “Are you feeling that this part of the training is challenging?”
Mission: “I’m not sure about this route,” can be perception checked with, “Do you feel uncertain about taking this path?”
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Behavior Description
Definition: Describing the speaker’s behavior or actions without judgment.
Description: Behavior description focuses on observable actions rather than assumptions about intent.
Examples:
Meeting: “I noticed you didn’t share your thoughts,” can be a behavior description.
Training: “You seemed hesitant while performing the task,” can be a behavior description.
Mission: “I saw you paused before crossing the river,” can be a behavior description.
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Creative Questions
Definition: Asking open-ended questions that encourage deeper exploration of the topic.
Description: Creative questions are designed to elicit detailed and reflective answers.
Examples:
Meeting: “What are your thoughts on improving our strategy?” can be a creative question.
Training: “How do you think we can better prepare for this scenario?” can be a creative question.
Mission: “What do you think is the best approach for our search?” can be a creative question.
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Fogging
Definition: Agreeing with any truth in the speaker’s statement, even if it’s a small part.
Description: Fogging involves acknowledging some truth in the speaker’s message to keep the conversation going.
Examples:
Meeting: “This task is overwhelming,” can be fogged with, “Yes, it is challenging, but we can manage it together.”
Training: “Learning this technique is hard,” can be fogged with, “I agree, it is difficult, but with practice, we’ll get better.”
Mission: “The conditions are tough,” can be fogged with, “Yes, the conditions are tough, but we’re making progress.”
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Negative Inquiry
Definition: Asking questions that challenge the speaker’s negative statements.
Description: Negative inquiry involves questioning negative assumptions to promote a constructive outlook.
Examples:
Meeting: “This plan won’t work,” can be negatively inquired with, “What aspects do you think need improvement?”
Training: “I’ll never get this right,” can be negatively inquired with, “What parts are you finding most challenging?”
Mission: “We won’t find them in this weather,” can be negatively inquired with, “Is there a chance we might succeed despite the weather?”
Summary:
By integrating these calming techniques and active listening skills, you can effectively deescalate high conflict situations and foster a collaborative environment. These strategies not only benefit individual wellbeing but also enhance team performance and overall mission success.
Dr. Mark Smutny is the President of Civic Reinventions, Inc., dedicated to fostering effective communication and conflict resolution in high-stress environments.
For more insights and resources on de-escalation and active listening, visit our website https://civicreinventions.com or email mark.smutny@civicreinventions.com.